(3) This sorrow, if it be truly conceived, is full of holy desire: and else might never man in this life abide it nor bear it. For were it not that a soul were somewhat fed with a manner of comfort of his right working, else should he not be able to bear the pain that he hath of the witting and feeling of his being. For as oft as he would have a true witting and a feeling of his God in purity of spirit, as it may be here, and sithen feeleth that he may not—for he findeth evermore his witting and his feeling as it were occupied and filled with a foul stinking lump of himself, the which behoveth always be hated and be despised and forsaken, if he shall be God’s perfect disciple learned of Himself in the mount of perfection—so oft, he goeth nigh mad for sorrow. Insomuch, that he weepeth and waileth, striveth, curseth, and banneth; and shortly to say, him thinketh that he beareth so heavy a burthen of himself that he careth never what betides him, so that God were pleased. And yet in all this sorrow he desireth not to unbe: for that were devil’s madness and despite unto God. But him listeth right well to be; and he intendeth full heartily thanking to God, for the worthiness and the gift of his being, for all that he desire unceasingly for to lack the witting and the feeling of his being.

(138) Therefore it must undergo many hard bangs and pinches, and must every day and hour wrestle and struggle with the devil, that is, with the hellish qualities [Or devilish conditions, inclinations, and passions in us] and so it liveth in great danger in this world; therefore this life is very well called the valley of misery, full of anguish, a perpetual hurliburly, pulling and haling, worrying, warring, fighting, struggling and striving.

(21) Thus it goeth also with the bestial body, when it has once tasted of the sweetness of God, then it continually hungereth and thirsteth after this sweetness: But the devil in the power of God's wrath opposeth exceedingly, and so a man in such a course must continually stand in an anxious birth or geniture; and so there is nothing but fighting and warring in his births or genitures.

(3) This second cause is perfect; for why, it shall last without end. And the tother before is imperfect; for why, it shall not only fail at the end of this life, but full oft it may befall that a soul in this deadly body for abundance of grace in multiplying of his desire—as oft and as long as God vouchsafeth for to work it—shall have suddenly and perfectly lost and forgotten all witting and feeling of his being, not looking after whether he have been holy or wretched. But whether this fall oft or seldom to a soul that is thus disposed, I trow that it lasteth but a full short while: and in this time it is perfectly meeked, for it knoweth and feeleth no cause but the Chief. And ever when it knoweth and feeleth the tother cause, communing therewith, although this be the chief: yet it is imperfect meekness. Nevertheless yet it is good and notwithstanding must be had; and God forbid that thou take it in any other manner than I say.

(37) From this cause arose that hidden anguish of Christ, of which none can tell or knoweth ought save Himself alone, and therefore is it called a mystery. Moreover, this is an attribute of God, which He will have, and is well pleased to see in a man; and it is indeed God’s own, for it belongeth not unto the man, he cannot make sin to be so hateful to himself. And where God findeth this grief for sin, He loveth and esteemeth it more than ought else; because it is, of all things, the bitterest and saddest that man can endure. All that is here written touching this divine attribute, which God will have man to possess, that it may be brought into exercise in a living soul, is taught us by that true Light, which also teacheth the man in whom this Godlike sorrow worketh, not to take it unto himself, any more than if he were not there. For such a man feeleth in himself that he hath not made it to spring up in his heart, and that it is none of his, but belongeth to God alone.

(45) While thou livest in this struggling or striving birth or geniture thou must buckle to, and suffer the devil to ride upon thee; but so hard as he striketh thee, so hard thou must strike him again, if thou wilt defend thyself. For when thou tightest against him, thou stirrest up his wrath-fire, and destroyest his nest, and this is then as a great combustion, and as a great strong battle maintained against him.

(2) And therefore, an I might get a waking and a busy beholding to this ghostly work within in my soul, I would then have a heedlessness in eating and in drinking, in sleeping and in speaking, and in all mine outward doings. For surely I trow I should rather come to discretion in them by such a heedlessness, than by any busy beholding to the same things, as I would by that beholding set a mark and a measure by them. Truly I should never bring it so about, for ought that I could do or say. Say what men say will, and let the proof witness. And therefore lift up thine heart with a blind stirring of love; and mean now sin, and now God. God wouldest thou have, and sin wouldest thou lack. God wanteth thee; and sin art thou sure of. Now good God help thee, for now hast thou need!

(49) Then thy heart is a dark valley: And if thou dost not labour and work quickly again to the birth of the light, then he kindleth the wrath-fire therein, and then shall thy soul be spewed out from the word, and then it qualifieth or uniteth with the wrath of God, and so afterwards thou art a devil, and not an angel, and canst not, with thy animated or soulish birth, reach the gates of heaven.

(68) Which indeed befalls those who lodge the devil within them; but so long as he is but a guest, he lies still like a tame whelp; but when he becometh the host himself, the master of the house, then he stormeth and makes havock in the house, as he did to the body of God.

(124) Moreover, I am a sinful and mortal man, as well as thou, and I must every day and hour grapple, struggle and fight with the devil who afflicteth me in my corrupted lost nature, in the fierce or wrathful quality, which is in my flesh, as in all men continually.

(48) But seeing thy astral birth stands with the one part in the wrath, and that the flesh through the wrath stands in death, thereupon the devil, in the part of the wrath, seeth continually even into thy heart, and if thou lettest him have any room or place there, then he teareth out from the word that part of the astral birth which stands in the love.

(64) Now if thou understandest and apprehendest this aright, then thou wilt not make of God a devil, as some do, who say, God has created the evil, and that his will is that some men should be lost; which men, that say so, help to increase the devil's lies, and bring upon themselves the severe judgment, by their perverting God's truths, and so turning them into lies. Now observe:

(4) Now to know is more than to believe, as to be dignified with the highest honour after being saved is a greater thing than being saved. Accordingly the believer, through great discipline, divesting himself of the passions, passes to the mansion which is better than the former one, viz., to the greatest torment, taking with him the characteristic of repentance from the sins he has committed after baptism. He is tortured then still more - not yet or not quite attaining what he sees others to have acquired. Besides, he is also ashamed of his transgressions. The greatest torments, indeed, are assigned to the believer. For God's righteousness is good, and His goodness is righteous. And though the punishments cease in the course of the completion of the expiation and purification of each one, yet those have very great and permanent grief who are found worthy of the other fold, on account of not being along with those that have been glorified through righteousness.

(4) The more conformed thereto, the more it pleases; For the blest ardour that irradiates all things In that most like itself is most vivacious. With all of these things has advantaged been The human creature; and if one be wanting, From his nobility he needs must fall. 'Tis sin alone which doth disfranchise him, And render him unlike the Good Supreme, So that he little with its light is blanched, And to his dignity no more returns, Unless he fill up where transgression empties With righteous pains for criminal delights. Your nature when it sinned so utterly In its own seed, out of these dignities Even as out of Paradise was driven, Nor could itself recover, if thou notest With nicest subtilty, by any way, Except by passing one of these two fords: Either that God through clemency alone Had pardon granted, or that man himself Had satisfaction for his folly made. Fix now thine eye deep into the abyss Of the eternal counsel, to my speech As far as may be fastened steadfastly!

(93) But, that afterwards the astringent and bitter qualities awaken behind, and coimage afterwards to the framing of the word, signifieth that indeed all is as it were one body, but the heaven and the Holy Spirit, together with the heart of God, has its proper seat to itself; and the devil, together with the wrath of God, can comprehend neither the Holy Spirit nor the heaven; but the devil, together with the wrath, hangeth in the outward birth in the word, and the wrath helpeth to image all in the outermost birth in this world, all whatsoever that stands in the comprehensibility or palpability; just as the astringent and bitter qualities afterwards rouse themselves behind to the framing of the word, and qualify, operate or unite therewith.

(112) For the devil has power in the outermost birth or geniture of man, for his seat is there. [This seat is] the murderous den of perdition, and the house of misery and woe, wherein the devil whetteth the sting of death, and through his animated or soulish spirit he reacheth in into the heart of man, in man's outermost birth or geniture.

(76) In this quality stands hell and eternal perdition, as also the eternal enmity and murderous den, and such a creature the devil is come to be.

(2) For he that abideth feeleth sometime some comfort, and hath some hope of perfection; for he feeleth and seeth that many of his fordone special sins be in great part by help of grace rubbed away. Nevertheless yet ever among he feeleth pain, but he thinketh that it shall have an end, for it waxeth ever less and less. And therefore he calleth it nought else but purgatory. Sometime he can find no special sin written thereupon, but yet him think that sin is a lump, he wot never what, none other thing than himself; and then it may be called the base and the pain of the original sin. Sometime him think that it is paradise or heaven, for diverse wonderful sweetness and comforts, joys and blessed virtues that he findeth therein. Sometime him think it God, for peace and rest that he findeth therein.

(9) We should mark and know of a very truth that all manner of virtue and goodness, and even that Eternal Good which is God Himself, can never make a man virtuous, good, or happy, so long as it is outside the soul; that is, so long as the man is holding converse with outward things through his senses and reason, and doth not withdraw into himself and learn to understand his own life, who and what he is. The like is true of sin and evil. For all manner of sin and wickedness can never make us evil, so long as it is outside of us; that is, so long as we do not commit it, or do not give consent to it. Therefore although it be good and profitable that we should ask, and learn and know, what good and holy men have wrought and suffered, and how God hath dealt with them, and what He hath wrought in and through them, yet it were a thousand times better that we should in ourselves learn and perceive and understand, who we are, how and what our own life is, what God is and is doing in us, what He will have from us, and to what ends He will or will not make use of us.

(2) Do on then, and travail fast awhile, I pray thee, and suffer meekly the pain if thou mayest not soon win to these arts. For truly it is thy purgatory, and then when thy pain is all passed and thy devices be given of God, and graciously gotten in custom; then it is no doubt to me that thou art cleansed not only of sin, but also of the pain of sin. I mean, of the pain of thy special foredone sins, and not of the pain of the original sin. For that pain shall always last on thee to thy death day, be thou never so busy. Nevertheless, it shall but little provoke thee, in comparison of this pain of thy special sins; and yet shalt thou not be without great travail. For out of this original sin will all day spring new and fresh stirrings of sin: the which thee behoveth all day to smite down, and be busy to shear away with a sharp double‑edged dreadful sword of discretion. And hereby mayest thou see and learn, that there is no soothfast security, nor yet no true rest in this life.