(7) Then, as giving admonitions, he says: "First, then, this is incumbent on her who is endowed with mind, That even if her husband be ugly, he must appear good looking; For it is for the mind, not the eye, to judge." And so forth. For with perfect propriety Scripture has said that woman is given by God as "an help" to man. It is evident, then, in my opinion, that she will charge herself with remedying, by good sense and persuasion, each of the annoyances that originate with her husband in domestic economy. And if he does not yield, then she will endeavour, as far as possible for human nature, to lead a sinless life; whether it be necessary to die, in accordance with reason, or to live; considering that God is her helper and associate in such a course of conduct, her true defender and Saviour both for the present and for the future; making Him the leader and guide of all her actions, reckoning sobriety and righteousness her work, and making the favour of God her end. Gracefully, therefore, the apostle says in the Epistle to Titus, "that the eider women should be of godly behaviour, should not be slanderers, not enslaved to much wine; that they should counsel the young women to be lovers of their husbands, lovers of their children, discreet, chaste, housekeepers, good, subject to their own husbands; that the word of God be not blasphemed." But rather, he says, "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: looking diligently, lest there be any fornicator or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel surrendered his birthright; and lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." And then, as putting the finishing stroke to the question about marriage, he adds:

(108) In fulfilling this obligation she is a helpmeet in the house and in Christian faith. And the apostle expresses the same point even more clearly as follows: "To the married I direct, yet not I but the Lord, that the wife be not separated from her husband (and if she is separated, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband) and that the husband should not leave his wife. But to the rest I say, not the Lord: If any brother...," 'down to the words "but now are they holy." What have they to say to these words, these people who disparage the law and speak as if marriage were only conceded by the law and is not in accord with the New Testament? What reply to these directions have those who recoil from intercourse and birth? For he also lays down that the bishop who is to rule the Church must be a man who governs his own household well. A household pleasing to the Lord consists of a marriage with one wife.. "To the pure," he says, "all things are pure: but to the defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure, but their mind and conscience are polluted." With reference to illicit indulgence he says: "Make no mistake: neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor effeminate men nor homosexuals nor covetous men nor robbers nor drunkards nor revilers nor thieves shall inherit the kingdom of God. And we," who used to indulge in such practices, "have washed ourselves." 'But they have a purification, with a view to committing this immorality; their baptism means passing from se1f-control to fornication. They maintain that one should gratify the lusts and passions, teaching that one must turn from sobriety to be incontinent. They set their hope on their private parts. Thus they shut themselves out of God's kingdom and deprive themselves of enrolment as disciples, and under the name of knowledge, falsely so called, they have taken the road to outer darkness. "For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is holy, whatever is righteous, whatever is pure, whatever is attractive, whatever is well spoken of, whatever is virtuous, and whatever is praiseworthy, think on these things. And whatever you have learnt and received and heard and seen in me, this do. And the God of peace shall be with you."

(14) Marriage to her was a calamity. To be subjected, then, to the passions, and to yield to them, is the extremest slavery; as to keep them in subjection is the only liberty. The divine Scripture accordingly says, that those who have transgressed the commandments are sold to strangers, that is, to sins alien to nature, till they return and repent. Marriage, then, as a sacred image, must be kept pure from those things which defile it. We are to rise from our slumbers with the Lord, and retire to sleep with thanksgiving and prayer,- "Both when you sleep, and when the holy light comes," confessing the Lord in our whole life; possessing piety in the soul, and extending self-control to the body. For it is pleasing to God to lead decorum from the tongue to our actions. Filthy speech is the way to effrontery; and the end of both is filthy conduct.

(5) The marriage, then, that is consummated according to the word, is sanctified, if the union be under subjection to God, and be conducted "with a true heart, in full assurance of faith, having hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and the body washed with pure water, and holding the confession of hope; for He is faithful that promised." And the happiness of marriage ought never to be estimated either by wealth or beauty, but by virtue.

(11) Accordingly Homer makes a thing to be earnestly prayed for: "A husband and a house;" yet not simply, but along with good agreement. For the marriage of other people is an agreement for indulgence; but that of philosophers leads to that agreement which is in accordance with reason, bidding wives adorn themselves not in outward appearance, but in character; and enjoining husbands not to treat their wedded wives as mistresses, making corporeal wantonness their aim; but to take advantage of marriage for help in the whole of life, and for the best self-restraint.

(20) Regarding the Observances of Marriage

Marriage is a religious institution, and should be treated in a religious way, otherwise the mating of men and women is no better than the mating of animals. The Law enjoins that there should be a feast on the occasion of every marriage. When Abdurrahman Ibn Auf married, the Prophet said to him, "Make a marriage feast, even if you have only a goat to make it with." When the Prophet himself celebrated his marriage with Safia he made a

(25) And now, my son, hearken to my voice, and do the will of thy mother, and do not take thee a wife of the daughters of this land, but only of the house of my father, and of my father's Kindred. Thou wilt take thee a wife of the house of my father, and the Most High God will bless thee, and thy children will be a righteous generation and a holy seed."

(8) Marriage has, moreover, this good in it, that to be patient with feminine peculiarities, to provide the necessaries which wives require, and to keep them in the path of the law, is a very important part of religion. The Prophet said, "To give one's wife the money she requires is more important than to give alms." Once, when Ibn Mubarak was engaged in a campaign against the infidels, one of his companions asked him, "Is any work more meritorious than religious war?" "Yes," he replied, "to feed and clothe one's wife and children properly." The celebrated saint Bishr Hafi said, "It is better that a man should work for wife and children than merely for himself." In the Traditions it has been recorded that some sins can only be atoned for by enduring trouble for the sake of one's family.

(7) The wise woman, then, win first choose to persuade her husband to be her associate in what is conducive to happiness. And should that be found impracticable, let her by herself earnestly aim at virtue, gaining her husband's consent in everything, so as never to do anything against his will, with exception of what is reckoned as contributing to virtue and salvation. But if one keeps from such a mode of life either wife or maid-servant, whose heart is set on it; what such a person in that case plainly does is nothing else than determine to drive her away from righteousness and sobriety, and to choose to make his own house wicked and licentious.

(29) By honoring a wise man, you will honor yourself.

In all your actions place God before your eyes.

You are permitted to refuse matrimony, in order that you may live incessantly adhering to God. If, however, as one knowing the battle, you are willing to fight, take a wife, and beget children.

(7) "Let us direct our wives to what is good; let them exhibit," says he, "the lovable disposition of chastity; let them show the guileless will of their meekness; let them manifest the gentleness of their tongue by silence; let them give their love not according to their inclinations, but equal love in sanctity to all i that fear God. Let our children share in the discipline that is in Christ; let them learn what humility avails before God; what is the power of holy love before God, how lovely and great is the fear of the Lord, saving all that walk in it holily; with a pure heart: for He is the Searcher of the thoughts and sentiments, whose breath is in us, and when He wills He will take it away."

(41) And the chaste Virgin said; Thou art indeed my Bridegroom and my Companion, but thou hast not my Ornament; my Pearl is more a precious than thou, my Virtue [or Power] is incorruptible, and my mind is constant [or stedfast;] thou hast an unconstant Mind, and thy Virtue is corruptible [or brittle.] Dwell in my Court, and I will entertain thee friendly, and do thee much good: I will adorn thee with my ornaments, and I will put my Garment on thee; but I will not give thee my Pearl, for thou art dark, and that is shining and bright.

(56) Therefore, O Man, look to it! [have a care] how you use the bestial Lust; it is (in itself) an Abomination before God, whether it be in the State of Wedlock, or out of it. But the right Love and Fidelity (in the Fear of God) covers it before the Countenance of God; and (through the Sun of the Virgin) it is regenerated to be a pure undefiled Creature again, in the Faith, if thy Confidence be in God.

(2) And they say that by the words "it is better to marry than to burn" the apostle means this: "Do not cast your soul into the fire, so that you have to endure night and day and go in fear lest you should fall from continence. For a soul which has to concentrate upon 'endurance has lost hope." In his Ethics, Isidore says in these very words: " Abstain, then, from a quarrelsome woman lest you are distracted from the grace of God. But when you have rejected the fire of the seed, then pray with an undisturbed conscience. And when your prayer of thanksgiving," he says, "descends to a prayer of request, and your request is not that in future you may do right, but that you may do no wrong, then marry. But perhaps a man is too young or poor or suffers from weak health, and has not the will to marry as the apostle's saying suggests. Such a man should not separate himself from his brother Christian. He should say, I have come into the sanctuary, I can suffer nothing. And if he has a presentiment that he may fall, he may say, Brother, lay your hand on me lest I sin, and he will receive help both spiritually and physically. Let him only wish to accomplish what is right and he will achieve his object.

(91) Behold, the spirit will here present a little before thy eyes what manner of love, humility and courteous friendliness there is in thee, thou fair angelical bride; behold, I pray thee, thy fair attire, What great joy may thy bridegroom take in thee, thou beloved angel, that dancest daily with the devil! I.

(20) Therefore you must know for certain, that Eve was created out of all Adam's Essences. But there were no more Ribs nor Members broken from Adam; which appears by the Feebleness and Weakness of the Woman, and also by the Command of God, who said; Thy Will shall be in Subjection under thy Man [or Husband,] and he shall be thy Lord [or Ruler.] Because the Man is whole and perfect, except a Rib, therefore the Woman is a Help for him, and must help him to do his Work in Humility and Subjection; and the Man must know that she is very weak, being cut of his Essences; he must help her in her Weakness, and love her as his own Essences: In like Manner the Woman must put her Essences and Will into [the Essences and Will] of the Man, and be friendly towards her Man [or Husband;] that the Man may take Delight in his own Essences in the Woman; and that they two might be but one only Will. For they are one Flesh, one Bone, one Heart, and generate Children in one [only] Will, which are neither the Man's nor the Woman's alone, but of both together, as if they were from one only Body. And therefore the severe Commandment of God is set before the Children, that they should with Earnestness and Subjection honour their Father and Mother, upon Pain of temporary and eternal Punishment: Of which I will write concerning the Tables of Moses. Concerning the Propagating of the Soul. The Noble Gate.

(14) We now come to the qualities which should be sought in a wife. The most important of all is chastity. If a wife is unchaste, and her husband keeps silent, he gets a bad name and is hindered in his religious life; if he speaks, his life becomes embittered; and if he divorces her, he may feel the pang of separation. A wife who is beautiful but of evil character is a great calamity; such a one had better be divorced. The Prophet said, "He who seeks a wife for the sake other beauty or wealth will lose both."

(74) Hence Paul speaks against people who are like those I have mentioned, saying: "You have then these promises, beloved; let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God." "For I am jealous for you with a divine jealousy, for I betrothed you to one husband to present a pure virgin to Christ." The Church cannot marry another, having obtained a bridegroom; but each of us individually has the right to marry the woman he wishes according to the law; I mean here first marriage. "1 am afraid lest, as the serpent in his craftiness deceived Eve, so also your thoughts may be corrupted from the simplicity which is toward Christ," said the apostle as a very careful and conscientious teacher.

(78) Behold, I tell thee a mystery: The time is already that the Bridegroom crowneth his bride!

(45) Then said the Virgin; Why wilt thou use Violence? Am I not thy Ornament, and thy Crown? I am bright, and thou art dark; behold, if thou coverest me, then thou hast no Glance [or Luster;] and [then] thou art a dark [dusky or black] Worm: And [then] how can I dwell with thee? Let me alone; I [will] not give myself to be thy own: I will give thee my Ornament, and thou shall live in my Joy, thou shalt eat of my Fruit, and taste my Sweetness; but thou canst not qualify with me; for the divine Virtue is my Essence, therein is my fair [or orient] Pearl, and my bright [shining] Light generated; my Fountain is eternal: If thou darkenest my Light, and defilest my Garment, then thou wilt have no Beauty [or Luster,] and canst not subsist, but thy Worm [will corrupt or] destroy thee, and so I shall lose my Companion, which I had chosen for my Bridegroom, with whom I meant to have rejoiced; and then my Pearl and Beauty would have no i Company: Seeing I have given myself to be thy Companion for my Joy's Sake; if thou wilt not enjoy my Beauty, yet pray continue in my Ornament and Excellence, and dwell with me in Joy, I will adorn thee eternally.