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(49) Therefore he stands often in Doubt and Impatience; and in such a Man there is great Strife; he knows not himself. He sees and knows nothing else but his Wickedness, and yet is born in God; for his Spirit continually breaks the Gate of the Darkness, but then the Anger in him holds him back that he cannot enter in, but yet sometimes he reaches a Glimpse, from whence the Soul is cheered, and the Pearl is sown in a very dark Valley.

(32) When he sees that he cannot catch [or overcome] Man, by making him doubtful of the Mercy of God, then he makes him careless, so that he accounts all as nothing. He makes his Mind very drowsy, so that he esteems very lightly of himself, as if all was not worth the Looking after: Let Things be as they will, he will not break his Heart, [or trouble his Head,] with it. Let the dPope look after it, they must answer for it. Thus the Mind carelessly passes it over, like a Whirlwind or Stream of Water; concerning which Christ said, The Devil steals the Word out of their Hearts, that they do not apprehend it, nor believe it, that they might be saved; so that it takes no Root.

(3) I say not that it shall ever last and dwell in all their minds continually, that be called to work in this work. Nay, so is it not. For from a young ghostly prentice in this work, the actual feeling thereof is ofttimes withdrawn for divers reasons. Sometime, for he shall not take over presumptuously thereupon, and ween that it be in great part in his own power to have it when him list, and as him list. And such a weening were pride. And evermore when the feeling of grace is withdrawn, pride is the cause: not ever pride that is, but pride that should be, were it not that this feeling of grace were withdrawn. And thus ween ofttimes some young fools, that God is their enemy; when He is their full friend.

(50) And then when he considers the sweet Fore-taste of the Pearl which he had, then the Soul would fain go through, and it seeks the Pearl; but then comes the black Spirit, and covers it from him, and then the Storm and Strife about the Pearl begins, each would have its Right; the Soul would have it, and then the Devil covers it, and casts the Wrath and a Sin before it, that the Soul should behold itself therein; then there falls to be Weakness and Neglect, so that the poor Soul becomes weary, faint, and timorous, and so sits still, and thinks continually of some other Way to Abstinence, [or Amendment,] how it might best get the Pearl.

(47) On the contrary, many a one is in great Anguish, and longs after it, and generates very painfully, he would fain have uit; but then the Devil rushes upon him, and stirs up Irksomeness [Vexation] and Discontent, and also overwhelms him with great Sins, so that he knows not himself, and then dejects him with Impatience and Doubting; and his Heart stands continually in Anguish, it would fain get out of Evil, and endeavours continually for Abstinence or Forbearance, many Times with Groans, Sighing, and Longing, but then the Devil holds his Sins before him, and bars up the Door of the Grace of God, that he might despair.

(74) If it stretches to God, then the Devil holds it on one Side with one Band, and the World with another Band; and they set upon it; the Devil handles it in Fierceness, [Sternness, Frowardness, or Wrath, which is a Source [or Quality] and Sin, which cannot attain to the Kingdom of God; and the World leads it into Pride, Covetousness, and fleshly Lust, so that the Essences of the Soul grow full [or impregnated] with the fleshly Will; for the Will of the Mind draws these Things into the Soul, and so the Soul (from that which is attracted) becomes wholly unclean, a swelled and dark, and cannot attain the Light of God; its Essences, that should give up themselves to God, cannot: For they are too rough, and cannot get into the Light, that kindles not itself in its Essences. The Gates of the Deep must be broken open first, and then the Essences [of the Soul may] press into the Liberty, without the Darkness; but if the Mind be filled, then it cannot [come into the Liberty,] and then begins Horror, Fear, Distress, and Despair of the Kingdom of God, and this makes mere Torment, [Woe, Pain, and Smart,] in the Soul.

(41) And now when Death comes and separates the Body and Soul asunder, then the poor Soul hangs by a Thread [of Faith,] and will not let go; and yet its Essences stick fast in the Anger of God, the Source [or Pain] of the gross Sins torment it, the Thread of Faith (in the new Regeneration) is very weak; and here therefore now they must press through the Gate of the Deep, through the Passion, and through the Death of Christ, [through the Kingdom of Hell,] to God; and Hell has yet a strong Band about the Soul, the Falshood is not yet washed off.

(4) Sometimes it is withdrawn for their carelessness; and when it is thus, they feel soon after a full bitter pain that beateth them full sore. Sometimes our Lord will delay it by an artful device, for He will by such a delaying make it grow, and be had more in dainty when it is new found and felt again that long had been lost. And this is one of the readiest and sovereignest tokens that a soul may have to wit by, whether he be called or not to work in this work, if he feel after such a delaying and a long lacking of this work, that when it cometh suddenly as it doth, unpurchased with any means, that he hath then a greater fervour of desire and greater love longing to work in this work, than ever he had any before. Insomuch, that ofttimes I trow, he hath more joy of the finding thereof than ever he had sorrow of the losing.

(34) Now the Mind thinks, that if all the Works of a Soul (which it wrought here) shall follow it in the Figure, then how shall it be, if a Soul here has for a long Time committed great Abominations, but that they will be great Shame to it, if they must stand in the Figure before its Eyes? This is a great Stumbling- Block of the Devil's, which plagues the poor Soul, and usually forces it thereby into Despair, so that itself continually presents its Sins before it, and despairs of the Grace of God.

(23) It goes very hard, when the [Grain of] Mustard-Seed is sown, for the Devil opposes strongly, but whosoever perseveres, finds by Experience what is written in this Book. And although he cannot be rid of the Untowardness of the Incitements of the four Elements, yet nevertheless the noble Seed in the eLimbus of God continues with him, which Seed springs and grows, and at last becomes a Tree, which the Devil favours [or relishes;] not, but he goes about the Tree like a fawning Cur, and then by his Servants he casts all Mishaps upon him; and by his Crew [of Followers and Confederates] he thrusts many out of his House, that he may do him no more Displeasure. But it goes well with him [that fears God,] and he comes into the Land of the Living.

(16) At length she comes with a subtle Snare, and says, through the Spirit of the great World in the Mind, in himself; O! The Heavens have caused thee to be born to it, that thou dost such foolish Tricks, and would play juggling Feats in thee; thy Gifts are not from God; God has never spoken with thee. And what canst thou know then? Leave off, let it alone, thou mayest be a Christian well enough, and be quiet; let the Priests teach, they have their Wages for it. What hast thou to do with it? Beloved Reader, with these Blows this Pen was once thrown to the Ground, and the Driver would have broken it, but the Breath of God took it up again; therefore it shall write what happened to it, to be an Example for all Well-wishers; and it is an exceedingly precious one.

(40) And yet however, when the Point [or Hour] of Death comes, that the Conscience is roused, and that the poor Soul begins to tremble for great Fear at the [Torment or] Source of Hell, then these also would fain be saved, though there is very little Faith in them, only mere Unrighteousness, Falshood, and Pleasure of the earthly Life. The Groanings and Tears of the Poor stand hard before it, and the Devil reads the Book of Conscience to the Mind; and there stands also before the Mind the Pleasure of the World, and [the Person] would fain live [somewhat] longer, and promises to lead a Life in [Forbearance of Evil, or] Abstinence; and the Mind inclines a little towards God, [or Goodness,] but the Sins beat that [Inclination] down again, and then there arises great Doubt in Unquietness; yet, nevertheless, many of them lay hold on the Saviour by a Thread.

(53) And then when the poor Soul shall travel [Home,] there are great Mountains in its Way; and then thy fair Tincture will appear before the [holy] Element like a defiled Cloth; and there stands the Devil and reads the Law to you about it; and then the poor Soul quakes, and begins to doubt; and when it is to break through the bitter Gate [of the Cherubim,] then it continually fears that the fierce Anger of God shall seize upon it, [as upon hellish Brimstone,] and kindle it; as it comes to pass for certain, if it be not born anew in Christ, through earnest Repentance.

(28) But because the Enemy is not yet in Substance, but only in the Will of the Spirit, therefore it goes away very slowly downwards, and seeks for the Port, where it will make an Out-let and Gate, that it may cast away the Stink and Filth, from whence the Guts are so very long and crooked.

(54) For the old Enemy is subtile and strong, who still assaults the Soul again, to try how he may afflict and deceive it; if he cannot overwhelm it with Sins, then he begins an outward War with it, and stirs up the Children of Malice against it, so that they contemn, mock, deride, vilify it, and do all Manner of Evil to it; and so they lay Wait for its Body and Goods, they jeer, reproach, and scorn it, and account it as the Off-scouring of the World; they upbraid it for its Infirmities; if it does but reprove their Faults and Unrighteousness, then it must be an Hypocrite [with them.]

(35) It presents indeed the Wrath of God to itself, and trembles at its Fall, but it knows not what has happened to it; it only presents the Disobedience before itself, and makes [as if] God was an angry malicious Devil, that cannot be reconciled, having indeed put on the Garment of Anger (in Adam and Eve) on to itself in Body and Soul, and has set itself (against the Will of God) in the Bath [or Lake] of Anger, on which God took such Pity [or Compassion,] that he has not spared his own Heart, to send it into the Depth of Anger, into the Abyss of Hell, [as also] into the Death and Breaking of the four Elements from the eternal holy Element, to help fallen Man, and to deliver him out of the Anger and Death.

(19) Thus the Soul stood with great Longing and Desire; also was many Times in great Combat with the Hunter, who would still throw it to the Ground. When it set itself in Opposition against him, then he took all the Vices (which stuck in Flesh and Blood) and cast them upon the Soul, that he might intangle it with them, and hinder it from comprehending the Virgin again; he made a great Mountain of the Sins in the Flesh and Blood, and therewith covered and shut close up the Mercy of God, viz. the new Man in Christ, and the Gates of Heaven, which stood open before, were shut up close: Misery and great Trouble were heaped upon the Soul, till at length once again, from the Breath of God (which came into it again) it was moved to break the Devil's Chains in Pieces, and it entered into Combat with him, so that he was quite thrown to the Ground, and its Covering was rent in Pieces, and then the Soul saw its beloved Virgin again. What friendly Welcoming there was then, I had rather the Reader might find by Experience, than that I should write of it.

(93) And now when the Kingdom of Hell had this mighty Blow, and was thus overcome, then the Devil lost his Right in the Soul; yet he said in himself, Thou hast a Right in the earthly Body, and somewhat was permitted to him; and then he took the Body with the Soul, and set them upon the Pinnacle of the Temple, and said, Cast thyself down (for thou art powerful and canst do all Things) and then the People shall see that thou art God, and hast overcome; this is the right fluttering Spirit, wherewith the Devil would fain always fly above the Thrones over the Deity, and yet goes but in himself into the hellish Fire, and apprehends not the Deity.

(94) And ehere also was Adam tempted, [to try] whether he would steadfastly put his Imagination into the Heart of God, and then he should have continued in Paradise; but when he turned away his Mind from the Heart of God into the Spirit of this World, and would fly out beyond the Humility, and would be like God, then he went forth beyond the Throne of God, in the Spirit of the Fierceness of the Anger. Therefore here the Soul of Christ must be accurately tempted, [to try] whether it would (seeing it had retained the heavenly Bread) fly out also in Pride in the Might of the Fire; or whether it would in Humility look only upon the Heart of God, and give itself up to that, that it might be carried only in the Will of God, and become an Angel in Humility, and not rely only upon itself, to fly in its own Might [or Power.]

(1) AND therefore the sharp stirring of thine understanding, that will always press upon thee when thou settest thee to this work, behoveth always be borne down; and but thou bear him down, he will bear thee down. Insomuch, that when thou weenest best to abide in this darkness, and that nought is in thy mind but only God; an thou look truly thou shalt find thy mind not occupied in this darkness, but in a clear beholding of some thing beneath God. And if it thus be, surely then is that thing above thee for the time, and betwixt thee and thy God. And therefore purpose thee to put down such clear beholdings, be they never so holy nor so likely. For one thing I tell thee, it is more profitable to the health of thy soul, more worthy in itself, and more pleasing to God and to all the saints and angels in heaven—yea, and more helpful to all thy friends, bodily and ghostly, quick and dead—such a blind stirring of love unto God for Himself, and such a privy pressing upon this cloud of unknowing, and better thee were for to have it and for to feel it in thine affection ghostly, than it is for to have the eyes of thy soul opened in contemplation or beholding of all the angels or saints in heaven, or in hearing of all the mirth and the melody that is amongst them in bliss.