(49) Therefore he stands often in Doubt and Impatience; and in such a Man there is great Strife; he knows not himself. He sees and knows nothing else but his Wickedness, and yet is born in God; for his Spirit continually breaks the Gate of the Darkness, but then the Anger in him holds him back that he cannot enter in, but yet sometimes he reaches a Glimpse, from whence the Soul is cheered, and the Pearl is sown in a very dark Valley.

(3) I say not that it shall ever last and dwell in all their minds continually, that be called to work in this work. Nay, so is it not. For from a young ghostly prentice in this work, the actual feeling thereof is ofttimes withdrawn for divers reasons. Sometime, for he shall not take over presumptuously thereupon, and ween that it be in great part in his own power to have it when him list, and as him list. And such a weening were pride. And evermore when the feeling of grace is withdrawn, pride is the cause: not ever pride that is, but pride that should be, were it not that this feeling of grace were withdrawn. And thus ween ofttimes some young fools, that God is their enemy; when He is their full friend.

(32) When he sees that he cannot catch [or overcome] Man, by making him doubtful of the Mercy of God, then he makes him careless, so that he accounts all as nothing. He makes his Mind very drowsy, so that he esteems very lightly of himself, as if all was not worth the Looking after: Let Things be as they will, he will not break his Heart, [or trouble his Head,] with it. Let the dPope look after it, they must answer for it. Thus the Mind carelessly passes it over, like a Whirlwind or Stream of Water; concerning which Christ said, The Devil steals the Word out of their Hearts, that they do not apprehend it, nor believe it, that they might be saved; so that it takes no Root.

(50) And then when he considers the sweet Fore-taste of the Pearl which he had, then the Soul would fain go through, and it seeks the Pearl; but then comes the black Spirit, and covers it from him, and then the Storm and Strife about the Pearl begins, each would have its Right; the Soul would have it, and then the Devil covers it, and casts the Wrath and a Sin before it, that the Soul should behold itself therein; then there falls to be Weakness and Neglect, so that the poor Soul becomes weary, faint, and timorous, and so sits still, and thinks continually of some other Way to Abstinence, [or Amendment,] how it might best get the Pearl.

(4) Sometimes it is withdrawn for their carelessness; and when it is thus, they feel soon after a full bitter pain that beateth them full sore. Sometimes our Lord will delay it by an artful device, for He will by such a delaying make it grow, and be had more in dainty when it is new found and felt again that long had been lost. And this is one of the readiest and sovereignest tokens that a soul may have to wit by, whether he be called or not to work in this work, if he feel after such a delaying and a long lacking of this work, that when it cometh suddenly as it doth, unpurchased with any means, that he hath then a greater fervour of desire and greater love longing to work in this work, than ever he had any before. Insomuch, that ofttimes I trow, he hath more joy of the finding thereof than ever he had sorrow of the losing.

(47) On the contrary, many a one is in great Anguish, and longs after it, and generates very painfully, he would fain have uit; but then the Devil rushes upon him, and stirs up Irksomeness [Vexation] and Discontent, and also overwhelms him with great Sins, so that he knows not himself, and then dejects him with Impatience and Doubting; and his Heart stands continually in Anguish, it would fain get out of Evil, and endeavours continually for Abstinence or Forbearance, many Times with Groans, Sighing, and Longing, but then the Devil holds his Sins before him, and bars up the Door of the Grace of God, that he might despair.

(74) If it stretches to God, then the Devil holds it on one Side with one Band, and the World with another Band; and they set upon it; the Devil handles it in Fierceness, [Sternness, Frowardness, or Wrath, which is a Source [or Quality] and Sin, which cannot attain to the Kingdom of God; and the World leads it into Pride, Covetousness, and fleshly Lust, so that the Essences of the Soul grow full [or impregnated] with the fleshly Will; for the Will of the Mind draws these Things into the Soul, and so the Soul (from that which is attracted) becomes wholly unclean, a swelled and dark, and cannot attain the Light of God; its Essences, that should give up themselves to God, cannot: For they are too rough, and cannot get into the Light, that kindles not itself in its Essences. The Gates of the Deep must be broken open first, and then the Essences [of the Soul may] press into the Liberty, without the Darkness; but if the Mind be filled, then it cannot [come into the Liberty,] and then begins Horror, Fear, Distress, and Despair of the Kingdom of God, and this makes mere Torment, [Woe, Pain, and Smart,] in the Soul.

(7) And therefore take heed to this work, and to the marvellous manner of it within in thy soul. For if it be truly conceived, it is but a sudden stirring, and as it were unadvised, speedily springing unto God as a sparkle from the coal. And it is marvellous to number the stirrings that may be in one hour wrought in a soul that is disposed to this work. And yet in one stirring of all these, he may have suddenly and perfectly forgotten all created thing. But fast after each stirring, for corruption of the flesh, it falleth down again to some thought or to some done or undone deed. But what thereof? For fast after, it riseth again as suddenly as it did before.

(2) Let not, therefore, but travail therein till thou feel list. For at the first time when thou dost it, thou findest but a darkness; and as it were a cloud of unknowing, thou knowest not what, saving that thou feelest in thy will a naked intent unto God. This darkness and this cloud is, howsoever thou dost, betwixt thee and thy God, and letteth thee that thou mayest neither see Him clearly by light of understanding in thy reason, nor feel Him in sweetness of love in thine affection.

(23) It goes very hard, when the [Grain of] Mustard-Seed is sown, for the Devil opposes strongly, but whosoever perseveres, finds by Experience what is written in this Book. And although he cannot be rid of the Untowardness of the Incitements of the four Elements, yet nevertheless the noble Seed in the eLimbus of God continues with him, which Seed springs and grows, and at last becomes a Tree, which the Devil favours [or relishes;] not, but he goes about the Tree like a fawning Cur, and then by his Servants he casts all Mishaps upon him; and by his Crew [of Followers and Confederates] he thrusts many out of his House, that he may do him no more Displeasure. But it goes well with him [that fears God,] and he comes into the Land of the Living.

(1) AND therefore the sharp stirring of thine understanding, that will always press upon thee when thou settest thee to this work, behoveth always be borne down; and but thou bear him down, he will bear thee down. Insomuch, that when thou weenest best to abide in this darkness, and that nought is in thy mind but only God; an thou look truly thou shalt find thy mind not occupied in this darkness, but in a clear beholding of some thing beneath God. And if it thus be, surely then is that thing above thee for the time, and betwixt thee and thy God. And therefore purpose thee to put down such clear beholdings, be they never so holy nor so likely. For one thing I tell thee, it is more profitable to the health of thy soul, more worthy in itself, and more pleasing to God and to all the saints and angels in heaven—yea, and more helpful to all thy friends, bodily and ghostly, quick and dead—such a blind stirring of love unto God for Himself, and such a privy pressing upon this cloud of unknowing, and better thee were for to have it and for to feel it in thine affection ghostly, than it is for to have the eyes of thy soul opened in contemplation or beholding of all the angels or saints in heaven, or in hearing of all the mirth and the melody that is amongst them in bliss.

(41) And now when Death comes and separates the Body and Soul asunder, then the poor Soul hangs by a Thread [of Faith,] and will not let go; and yet its Essences stick fast in the Anger of God, the Source [or Pain] of the gross Sins torment it, the Thread of Faith (in the new Regeneration) is very weak; and here therefore now they must press through the Gate of the Deep, through the Passion, and through the Death of Christ, [through the Kingdom of Hell,] to God; and Hell has yet a strong Band about the Soul, the Falshood is not yet washed off.

(22) From the agitation of doubt, and is firm in the faith. Till the foam has landed on the shore and dry land, Which is its home, it is ever tossed to and fro. 'Tis at home on the land, but a stranger on the water. While it remains a stranger, it must be tossed about. When its eyes are opened, and it sees the vision of land, Although the ass repeated verities to the fox, He praised the water, but was not eager to drink; He rent his garments and his hair, but was no real lover. The excuse of a hypocrite is rejected, not approved,

(53) And then when the poor Soul shall travel [Home,] there are great Mountains in its Way; and then thy fair Tincture will appear before the [holy] Element like a defiled Cloth; and there stands the Devil and reads the Law to you about it; and then the poor Soul quakes, and begins to doubt; and when it is to break through the bitter Gate [of the Cherubim,] then it continually fears that the fierce Anger of God shall seize upon it, [as upon hellish Brimstone,] and kindle it; as it comes to pass for certain, if it be not born anew in Christ, through earnest Repentance.

(5) And if it be thus, trust then steadfastly that it is only God that stirreth thy will and thy desire plainly by Himself, without means either on His part or on thine. And be not feared, for the devil may not come so near. He may never come to stir a man’s will, but occasionally and by means from afar, be he never so subtle a devil. For sufficiently and without means may no good angel stir thy will: nor, shortly to say, nothing but only God. So that thou mayest conceive here by these words somewhat (but much more clearly by the proof), that in this work men shall use no means: nor yet men may not come thereto with means. All good means hang upon it, and it on no means; nor no means may lead thereto.

(11) Also let a man mark, when he is in this hell, nothing may console him; and he cannot believe that he shall ever be released or comforted. But when he is in heaven, nothing can trouble him; he believeth also that none will ever be able to offend or trouble him, albeit it is indeed true, that after this hell he may be comforted and released, and after this heaven he may be troubled and left without consolation. Again: this hell and this heaven come about a man in such sort, that he knoweth not whence they come; and whether they come to him, or depart from him, he can of himself do nothing towards it. Of these things he can neither give nor take away from himself, bring them nor banish them, but as it is written, “The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof,” that is to say, at this time present, “but thou knowest not whence it cometh, nor whither it goeth.”12 And when a man is in one of these two states, all is right with him, and he is as safe in hell as in heaven, and so long as a man is on earth, it is possible for him to pass ofttimes from the one into the other; nay even within the space of a day and night, and all without his own doing. But when the man is in neither of these two states he holdeth converse with the creature, and wavereth hither and thither, and knoweth not what manner of man he is. Therefore he shall never forget either of them, but lay up the remembrance of them in his heart.

(34) Now the Mind thinks, that if all the Works of a Soul (which it wrought here) shall follow it in the Figure, then how shall it be, if a Soul here has for a long Time committed great Abominations, but that they will be great Shame to it, if they must stand in the Figure before its Eyes? This is a great Stumbling- Block of the Devil's, which plagues the poor Soul, and usually forces it thereby into Despair, so that itself continually presents its Sins before it, and despairs of the Grace of God.

(16) At length she comes with a subtle Snare, and says, through the Spirit of the great World in the Mind, in himself; O! The Heavens have caused thee to be born to it, that thou dost such foolish Tricks, and would play juggling Feats in thee; thy Gifts are not from God; God has never spoken with thee. And what canst thou know then? Leave off, let it alone, thou mayest be a Christian well enough, and be quiet; let the Priests teach, they have their Wages for it. What hast thou to do with it? Beloved Reader, with these Blows this Pen was once thrown to the Ground, and the Driver would have broken it, but the Breath of God took it up again; therefore it shall write what happened to it, to be an Example for all Well-wishers; and it is an exceedingly precious one.

(19) Thus the Soul stood with great Longing and Desire; also was many Times in great Combat with the Hunter, who would still throw it to the Ground. When it set itself in Opposition against him, then he took all the Vices (which stuck in Flesh and Blood) and cast them upon the Soul, that he might intangle it with them, and hinder it from comprehending the Virgin again; he made a great Mountain of the Sins in the Flesh and Blood, and therewith covered and shut close up the Mercy of God, viz. the new Man in Christ, and the Gates of Heaven, which stood open before, were shut up close: Misery and great Trouble were heaped upon the Soul, till at length once again, from the Breath of God (which came into it again) it was moved to break the Devil's Chains in Pieces, and it entered into Combat with him, so that he was quite thrown to the Ground, and its Covering was rent in Pieces, and then the Soul saw its beloved Virgin again. What friendly Welcoming there was then, I had rather the Reader might find by Experience, than that I should write of it.

(2) And on this manner may this deceit befall. A young man or a woman new set to the school of devotion heareth this sorrow and this desire be read and spoken: how that a man shall lift up his heart unto God, and unceasingly desire for to feel the love of his God. And as fast in a curiosity of wit they conceive these words not ghostly as they be meant, but fleshly and bodily; and travail their fleshly hearts outrageously in their breasts. And what for lacking of grace and pride and curiosity in themselves, they strain their veins and their bodily powers so beastly and so rudely, that within short time they fall either into frenzies, weariness, and a manner of unlisty feebleness in body and in soul, the which maketh them to wend out of themselves and seek some false and some vain fleshly and bodily comfort without, as it were for recreation of body and of spirit: or else, if they fall not in this, else they merit for ghostly blindness, and for fleshly chafing of their nature in their bodily breasts in the time of this feigned beastly and not ghostly working, for to have their breasts either enflamed with an unkindly heat of nature caused of misruling of their bodies or of this feigned working, or else they conceive a false heat wrought by the Fiend, their ghostly enemy, caused of their pride and of their fleshliness and their curiosity of wit. And yet peradventure they ween it be the fire of love, gotten and kindled by the grace and the goodness of the Holy Ghost. Truly, of this deceit, and of the branches thereof, spring many mischiefs: much hypocrisy, much heresy, and much error. For as fast after such a false feeling cometh a false knowing in the Fiend’s school, right as after a true feeling cometh a true knowing in God’s school. For I tell thee truly, that the devil hath his contemplatives as God hath His.