(47) On the contrary, many a one is in great Anguish, and longs after it, and generates very painfully, he would fain have uit; but then the Devil rushes upon him, and stirs up Irksomeness [Vexation] and Discontent, and also overwhelms him with great Sins, so that he knows not himself, and then dejects him with Impatience and Doubting; and his Heart stands continually in Anguish, it would fain get out of Evil, and endeavours continually for Abstinence or Forbearance, many Times with Groans, Sighing, and Longing, but then the Devil holds his Sins before him, and bars up the Door of the Grace of God, that he might despair.

(50) And then when he considers the sweet Fore-taste of the Pearl which he had, then the Soul would fain go through, and it seeks the Pearl; but then comes the black Spirit, and covers it from him, and then the Storm and Strife about the Pearl begins, each would have its Right; the Soul would have it, and then the Devil covers it, and casts the Wrath and a Sin before it, that the Soul should behold itself therein; then there falls to be Weakness and Neglect, so that the poor Soul becomes weary, faint, and timorous, and so sits still, and thinks continually of some other Way to Abstinence, [or Amendment,] how it might best get the Pearl.

(30) Thou must continue steadfast in this resolute Purpose; and though thou gettest no Virtue [or Strength] into thy Heart, and though the Devil also should beat down thy Tongue, that thou couldst not pray to God, yet then thou shouldst desire and sigh to him, and continually hold and go on in this Thought and Purpose, with the Canaanitish Woman; the more thou pressest forward, the weaker the Devil is; thou must take the suffering Death and Satisfaction of Jesus Christ before thee, and must throw thy Soul into his Promise; where he says, My Father will give the Holy Ghost to them that ask him for it. Also, Knock, and it shall be opened unto you; seek, and you shall find; ask, and you shall receive; and the more earnestly thou pressest forth from the Devil, and from thy Sins, the more mightily does the Kingdom of God press into thee; but have a Care that thou dost not depart from this thy Will, before thou hast received the Jewel; and though it holds off from Morning till Night, and still from Day to Day, [let not that discourage thee,] if thy Earnestness be great, then thy Jewel will also be great which thou shalt receive at thy Over-coming.

(16) At length she comes with a subtle Snare, and says, through the Spirit of the great World in the Mind, in himself; O! The Heavens have caused thee to be born to it, that thou dost such foolish Tricks, and would play juggling Feats in thee; thy Gifts are not from God; God has never spoken with thee. And what canst thou know then? Leave off, let it alone, thou mayest be a Christian well enough, and be quiet; let the Priests teach, they have their Wages for it. What hast thou to do with it? Beloved Reader, with these Blows this Pen was once thrown to the Ground, and the Driver would have broken it, but the Breath of God took it up again; therefore it shall write what happened to it, to be an Example for all Well-wishers; and it is an exceedingly precious one.

(3) But now seeing I have in Hand the Articles of Repentance, therefore I certify the Reader, that in my Earnestness this Pen was given me, which the Hunter would have broken, with whom I began an earnest Storm, insomuch that he had cast me down to the Ground under his Feet, but the Breath of God helped me up; so that I stand up, and have the first Pen in my Mind still, wherewith I will write further, though the Devil for Malice should storm Hell.

(17) Now when the Devil had thus thrown it down, then it was silent, and desired not only to write no more, but the Devil rushed in upon it, and beat it along, and would have broken it. He came forth with his sour Apples, and held them before the Soul of this Pen, and would have it eat of his Dainties; also he strewed Sugar upon them [as he did for Eve.] If he had got the Soul again into his Chains, how would he have been revenged on it! as was afterwards known in the Storm, where his Mind was known very well. Now when it was thus, the Lily faded and lost its fragrant Smell, the Pearl hid itself, and the Virgin of the Pearl stood mourning, and the noble Mind sunk down in great Unquietness.

(23) It goes very hard, when the [Grain of] Mustard-Seed is sown, for the Devil opposes strongly, but whosoever perseveres, finds by Experience what is written in this Book. And although he cannot be rid of the Untowardness of the Incitements of the four Elements, yet nevertheless the noble Seed in the eLimbus of God continues with him, which Seed springs and grows, and at last becomes a Tree, which the Devil favours [or relishes;] not, but he goes about the Tree like a fawning Cur, and then by his Servants he casts all Mishaps upon him; and by his Crew [of Followers and Confederates] he thrusts many out of his House, that he may do him no more Displeasure. But it goes well with him [that fears God,] and he comes into the Land of the Living.

(2) And therefore, an I might get a waking and a busy beholding to this ghostly work within in my soul, I would then have a heedlessness in eating and in drinking, in sleeping and in speaking, and in all mine outward doings. For surely I trow I should rather come to discretion in them by such a heedlessness, than by any busy beholding to the same things, as I would by that beholding set a mark and a measure by them. Truly I should never bring it so about, for ought that I could do or say. Say what men say will, and let the proof witness. And therefore lift up thine heart with a blind stirring of love; and mean now sin, and now God. God wouldest thou have, and sin wouldest thou lack. God wanteth thee; and sin art thou sure of. Now good God help thee, for now hast thou need!

(19) Thus the Soul stood with great Longing and Desire; also was many Times in great Combat with the Hunter, who would still throw it to the Ground. When it set itself in Opposition against him, then he took all the Vices (which stuck in Flesh and Blood) and cast them upon the Soul, that he might intangle it with them, and hinder it from comprehending the Virgin again; he made a great Mountain of the Sins in the Flesh and Blood, and therewith covered and shut close up the Mercy of God, viz. the new Man in Christ, and the Gates of Heaven, which stood open before, were shut up close: Misery and great Trouble were heaped upon the Soul, till at length once again, from the Breath of God (which came into it again) it was moved to break the Devil's Chains in Pieces, and it entered into Combat with him, so that he was quite thrown to the Ground, and its Covering was rent in Pieces, and then the Soul saw its beloved Virgin again. What friendly Welcoming there was then, I had rather the Reader might find by Experience, than that I should write of it.

(69) Besides, the Kingdom of Hell, and of [fierce] Wrath, always gape after the Soul, and set their Jaws wide open to devour the captive Soul; which is held fast fettered with two strong Chains; the one of the Kingdom of Hell; the other of the Kingdom of this World; and it is continually led by the heavy, lumpish, bestial, and sickly Body, as a Thief who is often led to the Place of Execution, and still by a Petition reprieved, and laid in Prison again, and the poor Soul must lie thus in Prison the whole Time of the Body; where the Devil on the one Side very suddenly rushes upon it with his devouring Fierceness, Wrath, and Malice, and would carry it into the Abyss. Then instantly [it is beat upon by] the glistering [flattering] World, with Pomp, Bravery, Covetousness, and Voluptuousness of Perdition; presenting [again come upon it] Sickness and Fear, and it is continually trembling and quaking; and when Man goes but in the Dark, how is it amazed, and continually afraid that the Executioner will take it, and tdo Execution upon it! The Gate [or Explanation] of the great Sin, and Contrariety of Will against God, in Man.