(47) On the contrary, many a one is in great Anguish, and longs after it, and generates very painfully, he would fain have uit; but then the Devil rushes upon him, and stirs up Irksomeness [Vexation] and Discontent, and also overwhelms him with great Sins, so that he knows not himself, and then dejects him with Impatience and Doubting; and his Heart stands continually in Anguish, it would fain get out of Evil, and endeavours continually for Abstinence or Forbearance, many Times with Groans, Sighing, and Longing, but then the Devil holds his Sins before him, and bars up the Door of the Grace of God, that he might despair.

(17) Now when the Devil had thus thrown it down, then it was silent, and desired not only to write no more, but the Devil rushed in upon it, and beat it along, and would have broken it. He came forth with his sour Apples, and held them before the Soul of this Pen, and would have it eat of his Dainties; also he strewed Sugar upon them [as he did for Eve.] If he had got the Soul again into his Chains, how would he have been revenged on it! as was afterwards known in the Storm, where his Mind was known very well. Now when it was thus, the Lily faded and lost its fragrant Smell, the Pearl hid itself, and the Virgin of the Pearl stood mourning, and the noble Mind sunk down in great Unquietness.

(18) Indeed the Driver said at the Beginning, that it should have Rest with being quiet; but it was Rest only to Flesh and Blood, and yet it was no Quietness neither, but a Furtherance to the Hunting. But when the Mind found itself in great Unquietness of Soul, it recollected the Soul, and sought the Pearl which the Soul had before, and supposed that it lay as a Treasure in the Case of the Soul, but it was gone; and then the Mind sought that [Pearl] in Body and Soul, and behold it was not there, it could not be found; and there was nothing to be seen but the Devil's sour Apples, which were strewed before the Soul, that it should feed on them. But the Soul stood in great Perplexity, and would not eat of its evil Fruit; it called its Virgin, but she sat as if she was asleep.

BUT it is not so with them that continually work in the work of this book. For their meditations be but as they were sudden conceits and blind feelings of their own wretchedness, or of the goodness of God; without any means of reading or hearing coming before, and without any special beholding of any thing under God. These sudden conceits and these blind feelings be sooner learned of God than of man. I care not though thou haddest nowadays none other meditations of thine own wretchedness, nor of the goodness of God (I mean if thou feel thee thus stirred by grace and by counsel), but such as thou mayest have in this word SIN, and in this word GOD: or in such other, which as thee list. Not breaking nor expounding these words with curiosity of wit, in beholding after the qualities of these words, as thou wouldest by that beholding increase thy devotion. I trow it should never be so in this case and in this work. But hold them all whole these words; and mean by sin, a lump, thou wottest never what, none other thing but thyself. Me think that in this blind beholding of sin, thus congealed in a lump, none other thing than thyself, it should be no need to bind a madder thing, than thou shouldest be in this time. And yet peradventure, whoso looked upon thee should think thee full soberly disposed in thy body, without any changing of countenance; but sitting or going or lying, or leaning or standing or kneeling, whether thou wert, in a full sober restfulness.

(28) And though the Devil (in thy Sins) says it cannot be now, thou art too great a Sinner; let not any Thing terrify thee, he is a Liar, and makes thy Mind fearful; he makes as if he was not present, but he is present, and snarls like a mad Dog; and thou mayest know for certain, that all doubting whatsoever, that comes into thy Mind, is nothing else but his Suggestions [and Objections.]

(28) O beloved Reason! if you understand no more than so, then shut up the Eyes [of your Mind] quite, and search not; continue under Patience in Hope, and let God alone, [he will do well enough,] or else you will fall into the greatest Unquietness, and the Devil will drive you into Despair, who continually [pretends or] gives it forth y, that God did will Evil, [and that] he wills not that all Men should be saved, and therefore he created the Tree of Anger.

(96) Then the Devil mocked the Image, and Hell opened its The Soul. Jaws wide, and had the Bridle in their Essences, and continually drew them therewith towards the hellish Fire of the fierce Wrath; and then there was Trembling and Horror in the Mind, and they could not reach the Love of God. Heaven was their Enemy, no Angel came near them, but the horrible Devils, they showed themselves, and hopped, crying, Ho, ho! we have gotten the Game, we are Princes over Men, we will torment them soundly, because they would have possessed our Throne; we should have been their Footstool, and now we are their Judges; what Care we for God, he dwells not in our Kingdom; why has he thrust us out? we will be sure to wreak our Spleen upon his Image. The most pleasant, and most lovely Gate [or Explanation] of the Promise of the Treader upon the Serpent, highly to be considered.

(32) When he sees that he cannot catch [or overcome] Man, by making him doubtful of the Mercy of God, then he makes him careless, so that he accounts all as nothing. He makes his Mind very drowsy, so that he esteems very lightly of himself, as if all was not worth the Looking after: Let Things be as they will, he will not break his Heart, [or trouble his Head,] with it. Let the dPope look after it, they must answer for it. Thus the Mind carelessly passes it over, like a Whirlwind or Stream of Water; concerning which Christ said, The Devil steals the Word out of their Hearts, that they do not apprehend it, nor believe it, that they might be saved; so that it takes no Root.

(16) At length she comes with a subtle Snare, and says, through the Spirit of the great World in the Mind, in himself; O! The Heavens have caused thee to be born to it, that thou dost such foolish Tricks, and would play juggling Feats in thee; thy Gifts are not from God; God has never spoken with thee. And what canst thou know then? Leave off, let it alone, thou mayest be a Christian well enough, and be quiet; let the Priests teach, they have their Wages for it. What hast thou to do with it? Beloved Reader, with these Blows this Pen was once thrown to the Ground, and the Driver would have broken it, but the Breath of God took it up again; therefore it shall write what happened to it, to be an Example for all Well-wishers; and it is an exceedingly precious one.

(55) Not only the Children of Malice do thus, but the Devil many Times brings the Children of God, by his Snares, to be against it, so that in their Blindness they grow furious and raging, as Saul at Jerusalem did against Stephen. Thus the poor soul must be afflicted among Thorns and Thistles, and continually expect when the evil World shall tear away the Body. The victorious Gate of the poor Soul

(54) For the old Enemy is subtile and strong, who still assaults the Soul again, to try how he may afflict and deceive it; if he cannot overwhelm it with Sins, then he begins an outward War with it, and stirs up the Children of Malice against it, so that they contemn, mock, deride, vilify it, and do all Manner of Evil to it; and so they lay Wait for its Body and Goods, they jeer, reproach, and scorn it, and account it as the Off-scouring of the World; they upbraid it for its Infirmities; if it does but reprove their Faults and Unrighteousness, then it must be an Hypocrite [with them.]

(49) Therefore he stands often in Doubt and Impatience; and in such a Man there is great Strife; he knows not himself. He sees and knows nothing else but his Wickedness, and yet is born in God; for his Spirit continually breaks the Gate of the Darkness, but then the Anger in him holds him back that he cannot enter in, but yet sometimes he reaches a Glimpse, from whence the Soul is cheered, and the Pearl is sown in a very dark Valley.

(19) Thus the Soul stood with great Longing and Desire; also was many Times in great Combat with the Hunter, who would still throw it to the Ground. When it set itself in Opposition against him, then he took all the Vices (which stuck in Flesh and Blood) and cast them upon the Soul, that he might intangle it with them, and hinder it from comprehending the Virgin again; he made a great Mountain of the Sins in the Flesh and Blood, and therewith covered and shut close up the Mercy of God, viz. the new Man in Christ, and the Gates of Heaven, which stood open before, were shut up close: Misery and great Trouble were heaped upon the Soul, till at length once again, from the Breath of God (which came into it again) it was moved to break the Devil's Chains in Pieces, and it entered into Combat with him, so that he was quite thrown to the Ground, and its Covering was rent in Pieces, and then the Soul saw its beloved Virgin again. What friendly Welcoming there was then, I had rather the Reader might find by Experience, than that I should write of it.

(95) And now when these two, thus captivated by the Devil and this World, stood before God with Fear and great Horror, and felt the Anger of God, and the severe Judgment; then the Heart of God, which had made them; pitied them, and it looked whether there was any [Remedy or] Counsel that might help poor Man, and redeem [or deliver] him from the Bands of the eternal [Fierceness or] Wrath, and from the mortal Body of this World. But there was nothing found, neither in Heaven, nor in this World, that could make them free; there was no Principality or Throne- Angel, which had the Ability to do it; all was lost, they were in the eternal Judgment of the temporal and eternal Death. For the first Principle had captivated them, in the Spirit of the Soul, and qualified [or mingled] with the Soul; the Kingdom of Heaven in the Light was shut up, [and there was a firm Enclosure] of a whole Principle between, and 1 it could not reach the Kingdom of Heaven again, except it were born of God again; otherwise there was no Council, nor Help, nor Refuge in any Thing at all.

(3) But now seeing I have in Hand the Articles of Repentance, therefore I certify the Reader, that in my Earnestness this Pen was given me, which the Hunter would have broken, with whom I began an earnest Storm, insomuch that he had cast me down to the Ground under his Feet, but the Breath of God helped me up; so that I stand up, and have the first Pen in my Mind still, wherewith I will write further, though the Devil for Malice should storm Hell.

(40) And yet however, when the Point [or Hour] of Death comes, that the Conscience is roused, and that the poor Soul begins to tremble for great Fear at the [Torment or] Source of Hell, then these also would fain be saved, though there is very little Faith in them, only mere Unrighteousness, Falshood, and Pleasure of the earthly Life. The Groanings and Tears of the Poor stand hard before it, and the Devil reads the Book of Conscience to the Mind; and there stands also before the Mind the Pleasure of the World, and [the Person] would fain live [somewhat] longer, and promises to lead a Life in [Forbearance of Evil, or] Abstinence; and the Mind inclines a little towards God, [or Goodness,] but the Sins beat that [Inclination] down again, and then there arises great Doubt in Unquietness; yet, nevertheless, many of them lay hold on the Saviour by a Thread.

(29) For there are but two Kingdoms that stir in thee; the one is the Kingdom of God, wherein Christ is, which desires to have thee; and the other is the Kingdom of Hell, wherein the Devil is, which desires also to have thee. Now there must be striving here in the poor Soul, for it stands in the Midst. Christ offers it the new Garment, and the Devil presents the Garment of Sinfulness to it. And when thou hast but the least Thought or Inclination towards God, [and Goodness,] that thou wouldst fain enter into true Repentance, then truly that Thought is not from thy own self, but the Love of God draws thee, and invites thee; and the noble Virgin of God calls thee thereby, and thou shouldst only come, and not neglect it. And so truly when (in such a Way) thy great Sins come before thee, and hold thee back (so that thy Heart many Times receives no Comfort) this is the Devil' staying of thee, who casts into thy Thought, that God will not hear thee, thou art yet in too great Sins, he will let no Comfort come into thy Soul, he lays the sinful Kingdom of this World over it; but be not discouraged, he is thy Enemy. It is written, If your Sins were as red as Blood, if you turn, they shall be as Wool, white as Snow: Also, As true as I live, I have no Pleasure in the Death of a poor Sinner, but that he should turn and live.

(30) O no: But the Devil, who is a Cause of the Wrathfulness. Adam was made good out of the pure Element, but the Longing [Desire or Lust] of the Devil deceived him, so that he went into the Spirit of this World. 3 1. And now it cannot be otherwise, the two Kingdoms wrestle one with another in the Children of Men; the one is the Kingdom of Christ, [generated] through the new Birth into Paradise; that (in this World) is miserable and contemned, there are not many that desire it, for it has mere Scorn and Contempt from the Devil and his Followers; it consists in Righteousness and Truth, and that is not valued in this World, and therefore it must lie at the rich Man's Door with poor Lazarus, and at his Feet. If any do but let it appear that they are the Children of God, then the Devil will away with them presently, or else will put them to such Scorn and Disgrace, that they cannot be known; that so the Devil may continue to be the great Prince upon Earth, and that the World may not learn to know him.